Dear Fertility, Goodbye.


And hello, you evolving, integrated and bone-deep sister of a superpower, you. You are the force of nature I'm becoming, and I should have known better to trust you and to know that no matter what I did to control you, you'd come out sailing with your flag flown high.

You have surprised me in ways that have devastated others, and come to my door in your cloak of womb-filling fervor when others were calling your name.

I have staved you off, cried at your arrival as if I was on death's doorstep. I have drugged you, charted you, chanted your secrets, gleefully greeted your monthly reminders like May Day baskets on my front porch left by a sweet-hearted childhood best friend.

You have given me my greatest source of power and the sacred responsibility of these souls, travelled through the portal of my body, using you as their sherpa, to become the intoxicating babies and the wise, wild children in my life. You have made me Mother. You have created in me the power to bear that creation. You have shown me the everlasting cup of conception in all its forms, and I toast that cup to you now.

I never knew how you would transform in me. Yesterday, I handed this body over to the power of a man to put me under- consciously unconscious- so they could view my womb and clip the root for good. And already, you are knocking on that door, but in a different way. You are gently shifting me away from that focus and pointing me in a new direction. Forward.

So goodbye, Fertility of my youth. My creeping mistress, always surprising me with the positive pregnancy test (three times I did not plan you, and three times you delighted me in spite of me). And hello to this new, whole woman of creation. Creatrix. I bow to you.

I'm thrilled at what we're about to do together. Thank you for all you have given me, and all you've allowed me to do through you.

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